Share Time

This is difficult for me to write about. We've had a problem in our household for the last 24 hours, and though it's not something that I'd usually write about here, it's becoming a little overwhelming, and I have to talk about it somewhere.

It's our toilet.

A stubborn clog last night led to some midnight plunger action. Which, when it totally failed, led to some very vigorous midnight plunger action. Which, in turn, somehow led to a leaky seal in the bottom of the toilet.

Since it didn't seem to be what you could call an emergency, I notified the maintenance company when I got up this morning. The guy was relieved that the toilet wasn't gushing down the stairs and ruining his Sunday morning. Said he'd be by on Monday. Said "wrap a towel around the bottom of the toilet."

OK.

That's all well and good. But, see, I have some germ* issues. And this has not been easy. The skin on my hands is tight and itchy from obsessive multiple washings. I washed the used towels in extra hot water and an extra hot dryer. I keep washing the floor, washing the laundry basket the towels were in, washing my hands.

And now there is water dripping from the ceiling that is directly below the toilet.

Toilet water. Dripping. From. The. Ceiling. Basically, poo, coming right through the sheetrock, dripping into a bucket that I will now have to bleach, in a room that I am wishing I could saturate with Lysol.

Some germs I have come to terms with: germs that live in garden soil; germs you cultivate on purpose (yogurt, kombucha, sauerkraut); germs that kids I know have on their hands (stranger kids' germs are another whole story); germs that live on things in public; germs that live on my better-for-the-environment washable dishcloth. But toilet germs are definitely never in any way OK. Ever. I want to move into a hotel room and/or climb out of my skin.

The one relief is that I do not own this space, and it will not be me tearing out that toilet-water-soaked wallboard. I might otherwise have to boil my whole body to sterilize it, so I guess it works out for everyone that there is such a thing as a maintenance company, and they're coming tomorrow.

*germs are very loosely defined: actual germs, bacteria, ick, ooze, viruses, and fungi all qualify.

Tweets for Today

• 23:32 is there such a thing as anti-sleepy? #
• 23:33 @becw: my reaction to stress is "lockdown at all points" #

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Repeat After Me

This weather forecast does not mean that god hates gays.... this weather forecast does not mean that god hates gays...

Happy Pride Week

I am a little tiny bit in love with this picture.
via slog

Dear Michael

This came through on a listserv that I belong to and I can't resist sharing it here. Maybe another response for the petitioners who want to "protect marriage?"

This piece is credited to Pastor Gerald Olsen of Bangor, and I remember seeing it the first time it went around, in 2005. It's still brilliant:

Dear Michael Heath and assorted Maine bigots,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would be for banning same sex marriage.

As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? Oh, sorry. IS there degrees ...

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn
them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

11. And one of my real concerns is that gay lobsterman who wears clothes made of two or more fabrics and hauls lobsters on the Sabbath....Four abominations in one day....Wow......

12. And one last question.....Why are Christian bigots so obsessed who people love? I think I know the answer.

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Thanks,
Bible Readers of America

Restructured Time

Dear Friends,

I'm going to be cryptic here, but bear with me. I will be more specific later this week. But for those of you who know, I want to say that the news that I've been waiting for? I got it. It is as I feared, and for July 1.

Don't worry, I don't have cancer or anything. I will share more details when I am able.

Tweets for Today

• 15:59 Skipped the wedding today. I will suffer eternal guilt, and also have to eat an entire pan of rhubarb crisp, which is maybe the same thing. #

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It Happened Again

I'm a Queerbie.

Public Opinion Survey

If you (and by "you" I mean "I") go the wedding of some friends (and by "friends" I mean "people I've known for a long time and whom I really like but whom I don't usually see except when our lives accidentally cross") who are actually not getting married at this wedding because they are actually getting married at a family event later in the month--if you go to this wedding/potluck gathering, are you required to bring a gift? And if so, what kind of gift is appropriate for a potluck gathering/wedding celebration of some genuinely sweet radical folks who definitely aren't registered at Macy's or anything?

Comments are open.

EDIT: After all that, I didn't even end up going. I had one of those days. You know, those days. The ones that prove the truth of Murphy's Law, and make you think maybe it should be renamed Jen's Law. By 1:30, when it was time to go, I honestly couldn't make it off my couch because the previous six hours had been so horrifying. I'll send a card.

Do You Love Your Job?

Sometimes I feel a little like this:


via slog

But I think I might hurl balls of play-doh or cooked noodles instead of office furniture. Because I'm not so into the hurting people thing. But otherwise...

Tweets for Today

• 12:18 it's raining on my laundry #

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Go, Go, Go

Burdock 2008

for a free and sustainable future

August 19-26 in
Starks, Maine.

A participatory community gathering
Workshops, discussions, & skillshares
Kids workshops & Activities
Campfires, swimming, music & art
Lots of fun & free healthy food
Participating rain or shine!

• Workshops
• Do-it-yourself skillshares
• Sustainable living skills & wild crafting
• Biodiversity & environmental protection
• Indigenous struggles
• Race, gender, sex and sexuality
• Capitalism and class
• Political prisoners: struggles & support
• Unschooling & youth empowerment
• Alternative Building & more!
• Music, Bartering, Building, Performance and Celebration
• Building a Yurt in Celebration of Patrikya, a center of Burdock who passed on this spring. All week long-bring skills and materials.

Community Dinner & Jam in Honor of Patrikya: August 21st 6pm-10pm: Come enjoy food, music and celebrate the life of Patrikya.

Barter Fair! Saturday August 23rd from 1-4pm Bring crafts,medicine, food, clothing, books or anything else you want to trade.

Open Mic (less) Night: Friday Night August 22nd

Burdock Cabaret: Performance, Puppetry, Circus Shows & Music on Saturday Night August 23rd

Suggested Donation of $5 per day or pay what you can (no one turned away for lack of money)- includes all camping, food, workshops, and music.

www.burdockgathering.org
info@burdockgathering.org

Achy

I'm working on a queer youth writing project, which has been a lot of fun and I've learned a lot. We've received hundreds of writing submissions from youth all over the country (and Canada, too).

But if this work doesn't break my neck (laptops are not the ideal ergonomic situation) it will definitely break my heart. Remind me to never grow up gay again, OK?

You Know You're an English Major When...

...things like this make you laugh out loud:

A Freudian, a Jungian, and a Lacanian walk into a bar.

The Freudian orders a cigar.

The Jungian orders an Etruscan mask to conceal his face.

"You cretins!" says the Lacanian. He then orders a beer, which, however, he does not desire.

Tweets for Today

• 22:58 taking a break that has nothing to do with dancing. #

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It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

When you're gay-for-pay, like me, June is the month that your doctor hands you a bottle of valium and says, "have fun, sugar." Or, rather, you wish she did. If she's like my doctor she says something like, "have you ever thought about yoga?" To which I would like to reply, "yes, I think about yoga a lot. Would you like to provide some free childcare while I go?" But mostly I just nod and try to look thoughtful.

Anyway, what I meant to say was that sometime over the next four weeks I will likely have a complete brain meltdown due to the many convergences of my life (5th grade graduation, pride, other work stuff, presentation of work created by youth supposedly under my supervision). To avoid the dreaded brain collapse syndrome I am taking some precautions:

1. ample supply of valerian pills and sleepytime tea
2. season 2 of will & grace on dvd
3. a stack of novels that are absolutely not related to being queer
4. a little extra money set aside to buy dinner out more than once a month
5. taking a break from some of my extra activities

And sadly, my internet friends, #5 has a direct impact on our relationship. So, we could say, "let's take some time off and check back in a month." Of course, when I have said that to actual people with whom I have actual relationships, I almost never see them again. But I trust that you'll be here waiting, right? I might swing by a few times before then, but no promises.

But I'll have rice krispie treats when I come back, OK?

Wildlife

I'm pretty sure there was a coyote in my yard last night. I went out on the front steps around midnight and thought at first it was a really big fox, but now I think it was a smallish coyote. It was licking the pathway in front of my neighbor's house (she has a little girl, so there was probably some kind of spilled deliciousness on the ground) and it wasn't very afraid of me, even after I made a big banging noise.

I think I'm going to make sure to keep the kitty in at night from now on.

New Goals

I think I just want to eat Rice Krispie treats. That's my new career path. I'll just eat them, sometimes with the butterscotch/chocolate stuff on top, sometimes plain. Sometimes with Cocoa Krispies, sometimes with the Fruity Pebbles. But always marshmallowy goodness, and always in my mouth. It's my calling. I could post a resume if anyone's interested in hiring me for that position.

you shall above all things

I haven't been reading enough poetry. Thanks to the comments in a friend's blog, I revisited some e.e. cummings this evening , and this one, um, spoke to me. Maybe all the girlboys and boygirls and acceptance of things for what they are.

I also loved the boys i mean are not refined but it's a little too intense for this quiet evening... all the masturbating with dynamite and shaking the world clash with my rice krispie treats and surfing and the tv downstairs and a long day's work done.

you shall above all things be glad and young

   
you shall above all things be glad and young
For if you're young,whatever life you wear

it will become you;and if you are glad
whatever's living will yourself become.
Girlboys may nothing more than boygirls need:
i can entirely her only love

whose any mystery makes every man's
flesh put space on;and his mind take off time

that you should ever think,may god forbid
and (in his mercy) your true lover spare:
for that way knowledge lies,the foetal grave
called progress,and negation's dead undoom.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance

Thought for the Day

"The chronic procrastinator knows he's presenting a negative image, but he'd rather be perceived negatively for lack of effort than for lack of ability,... Lack of ability is a stable attribute, but lack of effort is shifting—it means you could do it, you might be able to do it."

--Joseph Ferrari, in
an article about writers' block vs. procrastination
(via after the mfa)

Video Store Conundrum

If you think that my writing about the video store takes up a disproportionate amount of this blog, you'd be right. Sort of. I mean, I think the video store should take up zero percent of anybody's blog, and at the same time I can't help myself.

I was at the video store with Daughter a little while ago, treating myself to a the next disk of The Wire. Season 4 is creeping up faster than I'd like. Anyway, this video store has a deal on Thursday nights that you get one movie free with any rental, and if they like you they often charge for the cheaper one and give the new release free.

So I was essentially forced to find another movie. While I was perusing the new releases and the Top 60 shelf, I found myself having a meta-experience, analyzing my movie choice process. (And this is the point at which those who hate navel-gazing click away to naked pictures of Rachael Ray or something. Go ahead. Catch you later.)

My strategy is hampered by the fact that I am in denial about what I actually like for movies. I actually like crime movies, hip foreign films, and everything in the Juno-You And Me And Everyone We Know-Junebug-The Squid and the Whale genre. What do you even call that? Indie? If it has the little Cannes leaf design on it, I'm drawn to it.

I wish that I liked horror movies (I very much like horror books) but I find them too scary. I also wish that I liked documentaries more, but I don't like anything that looks too smug, and documentaries often do.

Comedies? No. Never. I am far. too. serious.

Kids movies? Unfortunately, sometimes. Though not by choice.

Tonight's Selections?








So it goes.

Dykey McDykerson

Hey everyone!

The Portland Dyke March Committee is having their final fundraiser!

Countdown 2 Pride!

Friday, May 16th 9:00 p.m. @ The North Star Cafe with DJ Jackie

All ages, everyone welcome, $3 suggested cover donation.

Come help us countdown to pride season and this year's Dyke March!

Questions? Email us at portlanddykemarch@gmail.com

Save the Date:

Portland's 3rd Annual Dyke March

Friday, June 20th, 2008

Pre-show @ Congress Square @ 6:30

March @ 7:30

After Party @ North Star @ 8:30

www.mainedykemarch.com

Book List

I do love lists of books to read. There is a new book out that is a list of books (but, wait, does that book make the list?). The new book lists the 1001 books you should read before you die.
(via kottke)

These are the books on the list that I've read. I do pretty well in contemporary literature, and pretty well in the 1700s thanks to a couple of college classes, but I think I need to go back to some classics.

And, Interview With a Vampire? Really? I could suggest a hundred other things you could do with that span of time. Come see me if you really are feeling some Anne Rice coming on, and I'll give you something else to do. Unless you're in high school, and into black lipstick, and then go for it.


2000s

1. The Sea – John Banville
2. The Red Queen – Margaret Drabble
3. The Plot Against America – Philip Roth
4. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time – Mark Haddon
5. Fingersmith – Sarah Waters
6. Everything is Illuminated – Jonathan Safran Foer
7. Middlesex – Jeffrey Eugenides
8. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
9. The Blind Assassin – Margaret Atwood
10. After the Quake – Haruki Murakami

1900s
11. Disgrace – J.M. Coetzee
12. Tipping the Velvet – Sarah Waters
13. The Poisonwood Bible – Barbara Kingsolver
14. Mason & Dixon – Thomas Pynchon
15. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
16. Infinite Jest – David Foster Wallace
17. Alias Grace – Margaret Atwood
18. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle – Haruki Murakami
19. The Shipping News – E. Annie Proulx
20. Trainspotting – Irvine Welsh
21. The Stone Diaries – Carol Shields
22. The Robber Bride – Margaret Atwood
23. The Secret History – Donna Tartt
24. Possessing the Secret of Joy – Alice Walker
25. Written on the Body – Jeanette Winterson
26. The English Patient – Michael Ondaatje
27. Smilla’s Sense of Snow – Peter Høeg
28. Black Water – Joyce Carol Oates
29. Vineland – Thomas Pynchon
30. The Things They Carried – Tim O’Brien
31. Possession – A.S. Byatt
32. Sexing the Cherry – Jeanette Winterson
33. The Temple of My Familiar – Alice Walker
34. Like Water for Chocolate – Laura Esquivel
35. A Prayer for Owen Meany – John Irving
36. Cat’s Eye – Margaret Atwood
37. The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul – Douglas Adams
38. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency – Douglas Adams
39. The Passion – Jeanette Winterson
40. Beloved – Toni Morrison
41. Anagrams – Lorrie Moore
42. Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel García Márquez
43. Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit – Jeanette Winterson
44. The Cider House Rules – John Irving
45. The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
46. The Unbearable Lightness of Being – Milan Kundera
47. Neuromancer – William Gibson
48. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
49. The House of the Spirits – Isabel Allende
50. Rabbit is Rich – John Updike
51. Waiting for the Barbarians – J.M. Coetzee
52. Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
53. If On a Winter’s Night a Traveler – Italo Calvino
54. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
55. The World According to Garp – John Irving
56. Delta of Venus – Anaïs Nin
57. The Shining – Stephen King
58. Song of Solomon – Toni Morrison
59. Interview With the Vampire – Anne Rice
60. Breakfast of Champions – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
61. Crash – J.G. Ballard
62. Gravity’s Rainbow – Thomas Pynchon
63. Sula – Toni Morrison
64. Surfacing – Margaret Atwood
65. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – Hunter S. Thompson
66. Rabbit Redux – John Updike
67. The Bluest Eye – Toni Morrison
68. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou
69. Slaughterhouse-five – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
70. The Godfather – Mario Puzo
71. 2001: A Space Odyssey – Arthur C. Clarke
72. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? – Philip K. Dick
73. The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test – Tom Wolfe
74. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel García Márquez
75. In Cold Blood – Truman Capote
76. Wide Sargasso Sea – Jean Rhys
77. The Crying of Lot 49 – Thomas Pynchon
78. God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater – Kurt Vonnegut
79. Everything That Rises Must Converge – Flannery O’Connor
80. Sometimes a Great Notion – Ken Kesey
81. V. – Thomas Pynchon
82. Cat’s Cradle – Kurt Vonnegut
83. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
84. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich – Aleksandr Isayevich Solzhenitsyn
85. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – Ken Kesey
86. A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess
87. The Golden Notebook – Doris Lessing
88. Stranger in a Strange Land – Robert Heinlein
89. Solaris – Stanislaw Lem
90. Catch-22 – Joseph Heller
91. The Violent Bear it Away – Flannery O’Connor
92. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
93. Rabbit, Run – John Updike
94. Naked Lunch – William Burroughs
95. Things Fall Apart – Chinua Achebe
96. On the Road – Jack Kerouac
97. Giovanni’s Room – James Baldwin
98. The Lord of the Rings – J.R.R. Tolkien
99. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
100. The Story of O – Pauline Réage
101. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
102. Junkie – William Burroughs
103. Wise Blood – Flannery O’Connor
104. Foundation – Isaac Asimov
105. The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
106. I, Robot – Isaac Asimov
107. Nineteen Eighty-Four – George Orwell
108. Animal Farm – George Orwell
109. Cannery Row – John Steinbeck
110. The Pursuit of Love – Nancy Mitford
111. Loving – Henry Green
112. Arcanum 17 – André Breton
113. Christ Stopped at Eboli – Carlo Levi
114. The Little Prince – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

115. Go Down, Moses – William Faulkner
116. For Whom the Bell Tolls – Ernest Hemingway
117. Native Son – Richard Wright
118. The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
119. Finnegans Wake – James Joyce
120. The Big Sleep – Raymond Chandler
121. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
122. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien
123. Out of Africa – Isak Dineson (Karen Blixen)
124. Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
125. Independent People – Halldór Laxness
126. Tropic of Cancer – Henry Miller
127. The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas – Gertrude Stein
128. Journey to the End of the Night – Louis-Ferdinand Céline
129. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
130. The Waves – Virginia Woolf
131. A Farewell to Arms – Ernest Hemingway
132. Orlando – Virginia Woolf
133. The Well of Loneliness – Radclyffe Hall
134. To The Lighthouse – Virginia Woolf
135. The Sun Also Rises – Ernest Hemingway
136. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
137. We – Yevgeny Zamyatin
138. The Garden Party – Katherine Mansfield
139. Siddhartha – Herman Hesse
140. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man – James Joyce
141. The Rainbow – D.H. Lawrence
142. Death in Venice – Thomas Mann
143. Ethan Frome – Edith Wharton
144. Howards End – E.M. Forster
145. A Room With a View – E.M. Forster
146. The Jungle – Upton Sinclair
147. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad

1800s

148. The Awakening – Kate Chopin
149. The Turn of the Screw – Henry James
150. Dracula – Bram Stoker
151. The Time Machine – H.G. Wells
152. The Yellow Wallpaper – Charlotte Perkins Gilman
153. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
154. The Picture of Dorian Gray – Oscar Wilde
155. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Robert Louis Stevenson
156. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – Mark Twain
157. The Death of Ivan Ilyich – Leo Tolstoy
158. Treasure Island – Robert Louis Stevenson
159. The Portrait of a Lady – Henry James
160. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
161. Through the Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There – Lewis Carroll
162. Little Women – Louisa May Alcott
163. Journey to the Centre of the Earth – Jules Verne
164. Les Misérables – Victor Hugo
165. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
166. A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
167. Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
168. Hard Times – Charles Dickens
169. Moby-Dick – Herman Melville
170. The Scarlet Letter – Nathaniel Hawthorne
171. Wuthering Heights – Emily Brontë
172. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Brontë
173. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
174. The Purloined Letter – Edgar Allan Poe
175. The Pit and the Pendulum – Edgar Allan Poe
176. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
177. The Fall of the House of Usher – Edgar Allan Poe
178. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
179. The Hunchback of Notre Dame – Victor Hugo
180. Last of the Mohicans – James Fenimore Cooper
181. Frankenstein – Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
182. Emma – Jane Austen

1700s

183. The Monk – M.G. Lewis
184. The Mysteries of Udolpho – Ann Radcliffe
185. Vathek – William Beckford
186. Dangerous Liaisons – Pierre Choderlos de Laclos
187. The Castle of Otranto – Horace Walpole
188. Candide – Voltaire
189. Fanny Hill – John Cleland
190. Clarissa – Samuel Richardson
191. A Modest Proposal – Jonathan Swift
192. Robinson Crusoe – Daniel Defoe

1600s

193. Don Quixote – Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
194. The Thousand and One Nights – Anonymous
195. Aesop’s Fables – Aesopus

One of Those Days

You know that the day isn't going to be a disney musical when your first waking thoughts are, "oh, shit."

Last night was the Queer Youth Prom, and I volunteered to chaperone for the second year in a row. The theme was Out through the Decades, so my date and I dressed up as Secret Heavy Metal Dude Lovers, and I broke out my spandex and bought a leather vest for the occasion. I also used an entire bottle of sample-sized hairspray and wore red cowboy boots. Alas, I have no photographs of the occasion, but you'll have to trust that it was nothing short of amazing. The only think I forgot was to pack the spandex (which is funny, because it really, genuinely didn't occur to me) but I think it was a good choice in the interest of keeping things G-rated for the youth.

At any rate, it was an entertaining, if long, evening, and several of us chaperones decided to nightcap it off at a local drinking establishment. That would have been fine if the strong gin and tonics hadn't come in pint glasses, and if I'd eaten supper.

Long story short, I found myself walking to my car at 9:00 this morning, sipping on my coffee as gently as I could so as not to rattle the shards of glass that seem to be lodged in my brain. There is a complex series of broken blood vessels across my chest from the binding (to all of my trans and drag-performing friends: I'm sorry. I really didn't know) and I think I still have pillow wrinkles on my face.

I picked up Daughter from her friend's house, where she'd spent the night--probably getting even less sleep than me--and took her to acting class. I foolishly volunteered to help out at a bottle-drive fundraiser this afternoon, but being in a loud, clinking room full of the smell of rotten booze is, um, not my first choice right now.

Wish me luck. And a nap.

Tweets for Today

• 21:18 I got the nicest present of my entire life yesterday. Don't worry, I'll be showing it off to everyone. #

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The Story of Stuff

Daughter and I have been enjoying (and forcing people to watch) this web movie (via feministe).



That's just the first chapter. You can see the whole thing here.

The parts that I keep thinking about: about how only 1% of the stuff we buy is in our houses after 6 months. I buy a little less than the average person, but still. Yuck. Also, about how, to make my 1 bag of trash per week, there were 70 bags of trash made to produce the stuff in that one bag. Double yuck.

My big weakness is plastic food containers. Like tupperware, but not tupperware because I'm too cheap to buy it. More like, the "disposable" kind you get at the grocery store. There comes a point in every plastic container's life in which I forget to take it out of my bag after the weekend, or I leave the leftovers in the fridge a month too long, or something. And then I chuck it, and feel guilty about it. Otherwise I think we do pretty good on the disposable stuff front. I buy recycled when I can (paper products) and keep an eye on the packaging of the stuff we do buy.

I've been trying to sell Daughter on having a zero-waste birthday party this year, where friends bring donations for a charity instead of gifts, and there's no plastic crap or extra bag of trash. She's.... um... unconvinced. I can't blame her; making changes is hard--but it's possible. I haven't bought any baggies (with the notable exception of two boxes of freezer bags to freeze vegetables last fall) in two years, and no paper towels in three (with the notable exception of moving week, when we lived in a paper product world).

Well Hey

(via slog--that's Seattle, WA)

I sort of know that guy. I definitely know his sister. You probably won't run across him here in Maine, but if you happen to, you know who to call. Hope he's OK.

UPDATE: I talked to a friend who knows these folks, and she says that it was a false alarm, and that he's OK. He just changed his mind while he was out and went somewhere else.

Tweets for Today

• 14:43 today's baking: salted chocolate brownies and rice-n-cabbage casserole. #
• 19:34 nothing makes time move more slowly than waiting for a phone call. #
• 09:55 cut my own ear this morning while I was cutting my hair. I think I'm ready to admit that I have a problem. #

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Happy Birthday Queerbie!

This month is the one year anniversary of the Queerbie!

Gifts in honor of this special occasion are welcome. I would enjoy some bags of potting soil, a haircut, or a black heavy-metal t-shirt.

I think I will go eat some more salted brownies to celebrate (they are far more delicious than they sound, I promise. You know when you can't decide if you want sweet or salty? Or, in the tradition of chocolate-covered pretzels or kettle corn. Mmmm... so good.).


(Confidential to Muffin: Hello! Let's set up a mutual admiration society, yes?)

Sheltered

I've worked off and on at the shelter downtown for about four and a half years, full time for the first three, and per diem since I started working at the Big Gay Job. After taking this winter off so that I could finish up school, I started picking up some shifts on Sunday mornings working in the dining room. It's only about two hours a week, and the pay is so low that it's not really enough persuasion to get out of bed at 6:30 on a Sunday morning. So I've been thinking really hard about why I go, and here's what I've come up with:

At heart the reason is selfish--I go because it makes me feel good, because it makes me feel connected to the folks there, it keeps me from forgetting that they exist.

And if I'm being honest, I also like to pat myself on the back for doing something "for the homeless." My two hours are nothing compared to what it's like to be homeless. I mean, I could call in sick to work. Or I could decide I don't want to do it any more. But they're still there, and they're still standing out in the rain from when I make them leave at the end of breakfast until the overnight shelter opens at 1.

I also think it has something to do with my mom, who is occasionally homeless as she struggles with her addictions. It feels like some kind of penance for cutting her out of my life.

I'm not going to quit the job , but I'm feeling conflicted about it. Couldn't it be exploitive in some way to use this job, those people, to work out my issues and feel good about myself? Shouldn't I be doing that somewhere else? Is it a fair trade-off? And isn't all of this navel-gazing just a brilliant example of my privilege showing, and making this all about me? Sigh.

Tweets for Today

• 16:49 made: oatmeal/tofu/pumpkin/chocolate chip cookies and lentil/chicken/peanut butter soup. it's kind of a multi-flavor day. #
• 07:40 who shrank all my pants? and why? #

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I'm Going to the Prom!

It's a costume prom (Out Through the Decades is the theme).

I'll be one of these:
As if you couldn't have guessed that without me telling you.

Tweets for Today

• 13:14 Conspiracy, busted: tinyurl.com/3yc5xq. May 9, where are you when I need you? #
• 10:08 bills, work, shower. data entry makes my neck hurt. #

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There Are Signs

I believe that grunge is coming back.

Evidence #1:
Everyone I know is moving to the northwest.

Evidence #2:
Everyone's also wearing chuck taylors.

Evidence #3:
Plaid galoshes at the big box store.

Evidence #4:
Grunge fonts featured at kottke.

Evidence #5

Evidence #6:
The Girls Rock movie (which um, rocked, btw)

Evidence #7:
Our culture is a culture-regurgitating machine. And since punk and disco and 80's have already been recently spat out, grunge's time may be coming. Puke away, culture. I'll go get my flannel shirt ready.

Tweets for Today

• 09:46 alleged economic incentive not received. i think they're lying. #

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Cool Shit

For your Sunday viewing pleasure:

Experiential Poetry: " Using a complex array of perforations, the pavilion’s surface allows light to pass through creating shifting patterns, which–during specific times of the year–transform into the legible text of a poem." (via kottke)

Why we Pay More. As a writer, I'm interested in how to make a living at writing in a world where text is increasingly free, and easily copied. This article talks about reasons why people will pay more (or, just pay) for things they could get free/cheap. (via cheap like me)

Another Way to Sell Out. Speaking of making money as an artist... how about writing for Lexus? From the website:

For our 2008 original fiction series, Lexus invited nine respected authors to help us tell the story of a young couple embarking on a cross-country journey. Along the way, love, loyalties, and the new IS F are road-tested.

(via After the MFA)

And, thankfully, it's not too late to catch Bret Michaels' tour. I bet you're relieved. Happy Sunday!

Project Update

I spent most of the day today working in the "backyard."* The raised bed I'll be using for veg is built, lined, and 2/3 full of soil (I messed up the square footage calculation somehow and I have to go back to the hardware store for more dirt).

I also completely turned over the section of the "yard" that will not be a raised bed, and pulled as much glass and trash out of it as I could. There was a sizeable pile when I was done: slivers of glass, spark plugs, tiny pieces of plastic, bigger pieces of plastic (including the remnants of a set of venetian blinds), bottle caps, plastic coating from wires, a couple of unidentifiable rusty metal things, several juice boxes, a sock, and innumerable nails. I know there's more in there, but it's more than 6 inches underground, except for the glass shards, which I know I will keep finding every time it rains. And I pretty much just left the chicken bones, etc., because I figured they were feeding the soil. I was encouraged to find some grubs and worms and bugs (not many, but some) because that means the soil isn't completely dead.

As I was working the next-door neighbor came out to tell me that the reason one corner smells pissy is because the last guy who lived here pissed on it all the time. Also that he used to dump all kinds of things, including motor oil, onto the ground. Sweet. I try not to think about how much of that dirt I inhaled while I was moving it around.

So I raked it all level and put down two bags of cedar mulch (I think I will need two more). It's looking decent, I have to say. Like I might actually want to spend time in it. I can't wait until there are things growing in the beds.

While I was working my friend S from upstate came by to visit and gave me a fashion show with the free clothes she got from the church up the street. And she's lent me an 80's-tastic dress that I might wear to the prom I'm chaperoning next month.

I also got a genuine sunburn and have dirt embedded under my nails. It makes me happy.

*It deserves quotations because the whole thing is maybe 10'X10'. A mini "yard."

Tweets for Today

• 12:56 taking the kiddos to earth day fun downtown. but we're driving there, which maybe means we'll go to earth day hell. #

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Unexpected Time

I spent almost the entire day on Saturday hanging out with some of the nicest people you can imagine in Ellsworth, Maine. That time, plus the driving time (about six hours total) counted as work time. And since I only work 22.5 hours per week, and there's a holiday tomorrow, so that leaves me with about 5 hours of work to somehow complete between Tuesday and Friday.

Fortunately I think I have an out of town guest taking up some of that time, and it's school vacation week. And I've created a list of projects for myself:

• build a clothes-drying space in the backyard (something like this that is about two feet wide because my yard, unlike the one pictured below, is about 10X10):
  
  
• bottle the apple wine I made in September
• build the raised beds in the backyard for herbs and veg
• go see Girls Rock at The Movies
• use the grill (got some chicken marinating as we speak)

Because it's unplanned, it's a delicious treat. Better than a full-on vacation with an agenda and lots of travel. Just hanging out at home.

English Major Fun

When you love grammar, you have to admit that this is one of your fantasies. OK, well, it's one of my fantasies:

The Typo Eradication Advancement League (TEAL) is dedicated to a more perfectly spelling union.

This March through May, we, sworn members of TEAL, will be taking a road trip around the country to stamp out as many typos as we can find, in public signage and other venues where innocent eyes may be befouled by vile stains on the delicate fabric of our language. We do not blame, nor chastise, the authors of these typos. It is natural for mistakes to occur; everybody will slip now and again. But slowly the once-unassailable foundations of spelling are crumbling, and the time has come for the crisis to be addressed. We believe that only through working together with vigilance and a love of correctness can we achieve the beauty of a typo-free society.

(via slog)

They have a website and a blog.

I, on the other hand, have a cold. I'm going to go sniff into some lotioned tissues and watch more of The Wire. Cuz it's like that.

Tweets for Today

• 12:48 Ate WAY too many 75%-off-Easter-Ducks-n-Bunnies-SweetTarts. #
• 09:05 My first real cold this year. Sniff. #

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Just Because You're Paranoid....

... Don't Mean They're Not After You...

I am a still susceptible to that radical activist lingo... Start talking about Babylon and Empire and I get all, you know, radical inside.

I got this warning from riseup.net, a collective that sponsors listservs, email, etc. and thought I'd share the paranoia.

But this makes a lot of sense to me, since I've just been watching The Wire, and that's exactly what those guys are doing to capture drug lords and crooked dock workers. Oh, jeez, I can't believe I just said that. Anyway, read on, and be sure to wave at the security cameras on your way out the door.

In the waning days of Babylon and empire, what will the US government think up next? According to numerous leaks from the intelligence bureaucracy to the New York Times, the New Yorker, and the Wall Street Journal, the government’s new fun toy is the ability to monitor our social networks by tracking, in real time, the patterns of email, phone calls, text messages, and financial transactions. This program is top secret, so you can’t take legal action because you can’t prove the program exists (according to the catch-22 logic of a February 19th US Supreme Court decision).

The Clinton and Bush administrations have said the program is entirely constitutional because it does not involve eavesdropping on the content of our communication. Instead, it focuses on the pattern of our relationships. In this way, individuals are not under surveillance, all of society is. If your social movement has nothing to hide, then what are you worried about? Plenty. This kind of map of our social networks creates a ready made blueprint for disrupting any social movement deemed to be a threat. In many ways, the government knows more about how we organize than we do. This issue is important to all organizers, because much of the world's email is routed through the US.

So, what can we do about it? For starters, get everyone you know to start using an email provider that uses StartTLS. For email, this is the only thing that can protect against the surveillance of our social networks. For a list of StartTLS providers besides riseup see:

http://help.riseup.net/security/measures/#use_secure_email_providers

What about phone calls, internet chat, and social networking sites? Riseup birds don't have all the answers, but we are working on it. One thing we know, privacy and security are not solved by personal solutions. If we want security, it will take a collective response and a collective commitment to building alternative communication infrastructure.

For more information, see:

http://online.wsj.com/article_print/SB120511973377523845.html
"NSA's Domestic Spying Grows As Agency Sweeps Up Data" by Siobhan Gorman. The Wall Street Journal, March 10, 2008.

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2006/05/29/060529ta_talk_hersh
"Listening In" by Seymour Hersh. The New Yorker, May 29, 2006.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2006-05-10-nsa_x.htm
"NSA has massive database of Americans' phone calls" by Leslie Cauley. USA Today, May 10, 2006.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jyusZ2V1ACKGV2iJuGVmuPUERi_QD8UTICG00
"Court Rejects ACLU Challenge to Wiretaps." Associated Press, February 19, 2008.

Tweets for Today

• 19:58 Trying not to ascribe meaning to the fact that I heard the phrase "early adapter" for the first time today...and then I just heard it again. #

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In a Nutshell

"Writing novels is an exciting and challenging and somewhat surreal job whose cyclical nature causes an enforced manic-depression. After months or years of interior, self-doubting, tunnel-visioned, antisocial, obsessive labor, a kind of low-level bottom-feeding life in a parallel world of your own invention, comes the bright light of publication, if you’re lucky."

--Kate Christensen, who just won the PEN/Faulkner award for The Great Man , in an interview on Critical Mass .

O Shame

I've watched so much of The Wire this week that I got embarrassed to go back to the video store to rent more. So I sent a friend.

Now I'm halfway through season 2.

But I can stop whenever I want. You know.

Contagion

I honestly think that I might be operating under my own personal mercury retrograde. So, you know, keep your distance and don't rub my belly for luck, whatever you do.

I'd been not feeling well for about a week on Wednesday when I came down with a strange rash. Turns out it is shingles. I will spare you the health report except to say that I feel like my skin is constantly being rubbed with sandpaper. Daughter was hoping the rash looked like actual house shingles, but sadly, that is not the case.

I've been in near-quarantine since then, venturing out only to get my diagnosis, attend a few critical work meetings. I can give chicken pox to people, apparently. But I also had to take the cat to the vet (he had a giant abscess on his head), pick up the car from the shop (it blew a wheel bearing) and receive some money from my father because of the unexpected expenses above. I've resisted writing about it until now because I hate whining blogs EDIT: I don't want to be a whiner. (I actually like reading other people's whining blogs.)

On the plus side, I've watched a few more episodes of The Wire and some other movies (28 Weeks Later, Gone Baby Gone, and almost an entire season of Teen Titans courtesy of Daughter) and read a few books (Lemony Snicket's The Carnivorous Carnival, Brian Selznick's The Invention of Hugo Cabret). I also learned to do sudoku.

But I think being in constant pain has actually lowered my IQ. I can't concentrate on anything complicated and I find myself drawn to action movies and talk shows. I watched The View, for crying out loud.*

Anyway, until I have something nice to say I won't be back, so, uh, keep yourself busy with this, and talk amongst yourselves:



*No offense to lovers of action movies or YA books or soduku or The View. Well, maybe View-lovers. But that is all just weirdass shit for me.

Medicine

I was going to do something else here today, but I had kind of a long and intense day, so instead I give you this:



and this:



and also some of this:



And, aw, heck. One of these, just for fun:



From my heart to yours. There is goodness in the world.

Warning, Please

There should be a warning or disclaimer or something on articles like this (via slog), so that anxiety-riddled people like myself can avoid them. Of course, once you read the headline you kind of have to go ahead and read the whole article. And then spend the next five minutes imagining what it feels like to get eaten by a black hole. And picturing the general worldwide panic that would happen first. And then thinking that maybe the most important thing that could happen at a time like that is to have your daughter close to you. And then wishing you had some xanax. And then settling for some bourbon instead.

Happy Sunday.

Uncle

Dear Universe,

Whatever lesson it was that you wanted me to learn--Be Grateful For What I Have, Don't Take Things For Granted--I learned it. OK? Enough already. Really.

And next time, could I have my lesson in the form of, say, Having A Lot of Money Doesn't Make You Truly Happy? Or maybe, Scads of Public Acclaim Is Actually Meaningless?

Thanks so much! Your friend,
Jen

Like a New Caddy

I know, posts have been a little thin lately. That's because, as you know, I suffered a Terrible Computer Tragedy some months ago. This weekend, however, I purchased a new computer. As soon as I recover from the sticker shock I should be back to regular posting.

This new computer is swell, but I'm still deeply involved with replacing all of my programs.

Two In One Day!

I've been baking bread on the weekends to make it seem like my lack of social life is a choice fill the gaping hole that winter leaves in my heart save money. Plus I really like home baked bread.

Here is this weekend's project (via cheap like me). Come over for coffee and bread on Sunday?

No Knead, Dutch Oven Bread
1/4 tsp active dry yeast
1 1/2 cups warm water
3 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting. You may use white, whole wheat or a combination of the two.
1 1/2 tsp salt
Cornmeal or wheat bran for dusting
1. In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in water. Add the flour and salt, stirring until blended. The dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let the dough rest at least 8 hours, preferably 12 to 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.
2. The dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it. Sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let it rest for about 15 minutes.
3. Using just enough flour to keep the dough from sticking to the work surface or to your fingers, gently shape it into a ball. Generously coat a clean dish towel with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal. Put the seam side of the dough down on the towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another towel and let rise for about 1 to 2 hours. When it’s ready, the dough will have doubled in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.
4. At least 20 minutes before the dough is ready, heat oven to 475 degrees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in the oven as it heats. When the dough is ready, carefully remove the pot from the oven and lift off the lid. Slide your hand under the towel and turn the dough over into the pot, seam side up. The dough will lose its shape a bit in the process, but that’s OK. Give the pan a firm shake or two to help distribute the dough evenly, but don’t worry if it’s not perfect; it will straighten out as it bakes.
5. Cover and bake for 30 minutes. Remove the lid and bake another 15 to 20 minutes, until the loaf is beautifully browned. Remove the bread from the Dutch oven and let it cool on a rack for at least 1 hour before slicing.
Yield: One 1 1/2-pound loaf.
Adapted from The New York Times.

Lighter

Hey, anyone watch The Sopranos? I finished the series recently and I think I need to process.

Unfortunately Busy

I have two Big Gay Jobs, and I was representing both of them at a recent GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) gathering, trying to get some of the students interested in my projects. There were a lot of cookies and soda, and I was struck by what apparently good, clean, productive fun these youth were having. Pretty different from the fun I was having as a queer high school student, a lot of which involved tattooing myself and being intoxicated and wearing black.

But at this gathering one student said something that jostled one of my own observations back to the surface: that there have been 5 murders of transpeople this year. In 2008. Since January 1.

After the gathering I went to some online queer news sources (queerty, 365 gay) and my friend google, and, sadly, that number is true.

Here they are:

January 8: Patrick (Patricia) Murphy, 39, N
January 21: Adolphus Simmons, 18, SC
Feb 9: Sanesha Stewart, 25, NY
Feb 12: Lawrence King, 15, CA
Feb 23: Simmie Williams, Jr., 17

It's so horrifying I'm not even sure what to say, except that maybe it's worth noting that all of these folks are male-born, and expressing on the feminine spectrum (underscoring how much more dangerous--and visible--it is for men to cross gender), and how many of them are not white. And which one has an article in Time magazine, and which ones don't.

For My Sister

I'm not usually so into the memes, but I do love little sis, so here goes...

TAG - YOU'RE IT!!

Here's how you play:

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 16 weird, random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

Don't forget to leave them a comment ("You're It") and to read your blog.

1. I haven't spoken to my mother in more than two years.

2. I am good friends with 85% of my ex girlfriends. I have contact with 0% of my ex boyfriends.

3. I am haunted by my hometown.

4. My debt equals more than twice my annual income.

5. I feel guilty every time I use a plastic bag.

6. I used to be terrified of spiders, but then I lived alone and there was no one else to kill them. So I got over it.

7. I don't know how to have down time.

8. I'm not really that into music unless it has lyrics that I like.

9. Nobody in my family has read the novel I wrote.

10. I was completely unprepared for and surprised by the love I feel for my baby niece.

11. I was 19 when my daughter was born.

12. I read about ten books a month.

13. I dream about living on my grandparents' land with my sister and her family.

14. I haven't smoked a cigarette in 15 days.

15. I've been in therapy for roughly ten years.

16. Last month I denied my daughter's request for a sled based on finances, and then later that day ended up buying her a whole stack of used books that cost almost exactly the same amount.

People who are tagged:
You! No pressure, but if you feel some disclosure coming on, please feel free...

Missing

I forget how much technology has become a part of my life until I don't have it. Hm... kind of like privilege in that way... you take it for granted unless you don't have it.

Case in point: my computer came down with a nasty virus despite my dedication to safe computing practices, and I had to send it away to get fixed. During the week and a half without it, I felt like every commercial with a website, every time someone said they'd email me, was an arrow directly into my chest. The world is a different place for people without regular access to computers. It's a good thing to keep in mind.

Which is just the short way of saying: computer, I've missed you. Don't go away again.

Morning Rage

This guy thinks he knows all about poverty because he left his home with $25 and not a lot else to see if he could make it. His goal was to have $2,500 in savings, a truck, and an apartment within a year. He did. Then he wrote a book about it. (via kottke)

He says, in that CSM interview linked above, that it's completely irrelevant that he has a college degree:

I didn't use my college education, credit history, or contacts [while in South Carolina]. But in real life, I had these lessons that I had learned. I don't think that played to my advantage. How much of a college education do you need to budget your money to a point that you're not spending frivolously, but you're instead putting your money in the bank?

Do you need a college education? I don't think so. To be honest with you, I think I was disadvantaged, because my thinking was inside of a box.

Damn skippy. But he should have stopped talking after admitting that he had those lessons he'd learned. And then gone on to acknowledge that he

1. is healthy
2. is white
3. has all of his teeth (I'm not being facetious: have you ever tried to get a job with one of your front teeth missing? kind of limits your opportunities)
   
4. is handsome (in the regular-features-on-a-pleasant-face kind of way)
5. is young/strong
6. is traditionally gendered
   
7. speaks like a person who went to college
8. wasn't actually "escaping my druggy mom and going to live with my alcoholic dad"
9. was only doing it for a year (what would have happened if he'd gone on? what if he got sick or missed work? what if his building got sold and his landlord kicked him out? what if his truck broke down? what if his girlfriend got pregnant?)

All this experiment proves is that someone, under ideal circumstances, can raise themselves up. But there was never any doubt of that, was there? Those people are held up as demonstrations that the American Dream works, and as reasons to blame people for whom it doesn't. But it's bullshit. BULLSHIT, do you hear me? Very few people are operating under ideal circumstances, and every single thing that strays from the ideal makes it harder.

Grr.

My Happy Place

Home Today

To all of you who think you might want to have children (I'm talking to you, J), I have just one word to make you reconsider: LICE.

That is all.

Sometimes You Surprise Yourself

I think I'm going to go to the Democratic Caucus today. I have been thinking about it for a while, all the time pretending that I'm not actually thinking about it by listing all of the reasons I can't go: I'm currently registered Green, I have no childcare, the frigging thing is scheduled to take four hours, there will be a snowstorm, the parking will suck, I don't like crowds.

All of those issues have since been resolved. Well, it will still be crowded and it will still take four hours, but the rest changed without any effort on my part. It turns out that Greens can change their registration at the caucus (which gives me a pinch of conscience, but looking at the Green candidates made me cringe), S is going to her best friend's house and I can walk downtown to it.

The crowd anxiety is somewhat alleviated by the fact that I will take my new digital recorder and might be able to use some of my experience in a piece for the radio or the paper. (Note to self: ask at the door about the rules for recording.) And I'll bring my knitting.

So, there. The radical becomes a democrat for the day. And why? Because I am in love with Obama. I secretly hate him too because he makes me have hope, and I know that I will be let down. But for now I do have it, and my internal optimist is making a showing, and I'm going to my first ever caucus.

Reading List

The National Book Critics Circle recently published their list of Good Reads of 2007, the result of an online survey of their members (800 of them) and writers (including John Updike, Cynthia Ozick, and others) and their member critics. The long list for fiction (alphabetically within the number of votes received--i.e. the first four received equal votes) follows.

Some of my favorite writers in here, and some new ones. If I had a million dollars... guess what I'd be buying? OK, first I'd be buying all of my debt. But then after that, I'd get these books and settle in until spring. And order in Thai food a lot. As it is I'll have to wait until our little library picks some of them up:

Michael Chabon, "The Yiddish Policeman's Union,"
Joshua Ferris, "Then We Came to the End,"
Per Petterson, "Out Stealing Horses,"
Philip Roth, "Exit Ghost,"
Alan Bennett, "The Uncommon Reader,"
Susan Choi, "A Person of Interest,"
Richard Price, "Lush Life," "
William Trevor, "Cheating at Canasta,"
Pat Barker, "Life Class,"
Brock Clarke, "An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England,"
Don Delillo, "Falling Man,"
Matthew Eck, "The Farther Shore,"
Anne Enright, "The Gathering,"
Molly Gloss, "The Hearts of Horses,"
A.L. Kennedy, "Day,"
Jhumpa Lahiri, "Unaccustomed Earth,"
Adam Langer, "Ellington Boulevard,"
William Maxwell, "Early Novels and Stories,"
Lydia Millett, "How the Dead Dream,"
Michael Ondaatje, "Divisadero,"
Manil Suri, "The Age of Shiva,"
Chris Abani, "Song for Night,"
Daniel Alarcon, "Lost City Radio,"
Sherman Alexie, "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian,"
Charles Baxter, "The Soul Thief,"
Amy Bloom, "Away,"
Charles Bock, "Beautiful Children,"
Robert Bolano, "Nazi Literature in the Americas,"
Roberto Bolano, "The Savage Detectives,"
Jon Clinch, "Finn,"
Jonathan Coe, "Rain Before it Falls,"
Annie Dillard, "The Maytrees,"
Stephen Dixon, "Meyer,"
Andrew Sean Greer, Khaled Hosseini, "A Thousand Splendid Suns," "The Story of a Marriage," Ha Jin, "The Free Life,"
Marina Lewcyka, "Strawberry Fields,"
James McBride, "Song Yet Unsung,"
Ian McEwan, "On Chesil Beach,"
Pascal Mercier, "Night Train to Lisbon,"
Ann Patchett, "Run,"
Meg Rosoff, "What I Was,"
Bernard Schlink, "Homecoming: A Novel,"
Matthew Sharpe, "Jamestown,"
Jim Shepard, "Like You'd Understand, Anyway,"
Michael Thomas, "Man Gone Down,"
Marianne Wiggins, "The Shadow Catcher."

I Win

My daughter told me yesterday that something that I said casually was "kind of racist." I objected at first, and then thought about it a little. She was right.

When I was her age I didn't even know the word racist. I'm not proud of that, nor of the continuing reprogramming I have to do to be aware of the ways in which I benefit from my white privilege. Nor of the things like yesterday when I don't even know I'm doing it.

But I am proud that S knows the word, what it means, and how to recognize it even in subtle forms. And that she's calling me on my shit when I need to be called on it.

Despite my terminal un-hip-ness* I must be doing something right in the parenting department.


*According to S, "I just think I'm so cool but I don't have any idea what's really cool." I really don't, especially if it has to do with Hannah Montana. She's right about that too.

Downloadable

I'm interested in writers who make their work available for free online. Kelly Link, Cory Doctorow, and Jim Kelly are three writers I know of who put their work online after it's been published elsewhere. It makes sense--you can't sell it again. And getting people interested in your work will only help sales of things that can't be put online, like novels. More importantly, though, as Doctorow said in an interview with Jason Kottke:

copying is only going to get easier. It's the 21st century, there's not going to be a year in which it's harder to copy than this year; there's not going to be a day in which it's harder to copy than this day; from now on. Right? If copying gets harder, it's because of a nuclear holocaust. There's nothing else that's going to make copying harder from now on. And so, if your business model and your aesthetic effect in your literature and your work is intended not to be copied, you're fundamentally not making art for the 21st century.

So here's another online writer, writing about online, for free: Julian Dibble's My Tiny Life (via, not surprisingly, kottke). I haven't read it all yet, but the first chapter, A Rape In Cyberspace, is something I came across a couple of years ago while doing research (for a book on sex, for a professor at USM)--I was interested in how an online event can have repercussions in the real world. This was before myspace and all, remember.

If/when I am ever a Real and Published Writer, you can find my stuff online, for sure. And in whatever new media are invented between now and then.

Passport, Please

I keep thinking about that ubiquitous frog. You know, that slowly boiling one that everyone uses in examples to talk about how we just adjust to gradual change that we would never accept all at once?

Today's Press Herald covers the changing rules for crossing the border from Canada to the US with a lighthearted story about what a "pain in the butt" they are. It looks like a birth certificate and a drivers' license are required for now, with next year's rules asking for a "single identity document"--in other words, a passport.

I got a letter from the State of Maine last week saying that we need to prove our citizenship or else we will lose our state-sponsored insurance coverage.

I've written about this before. I'm still thinking of all of the old stories I've read about people who have to carry their papers with them at all time. I'm thinking about countries at war. But mostly I'm thinking about my daughter, who is ineligible for a passport because her father--to whom I was never married--disappeared after signing her birth certificate but before we could set up a legal custody arrangement. Which means that she can't get a passport without his presence, in person, at the passport office. Which is about as likely to happen as me flying to work tomorrow on wings that have sprouted out of my back.

That's not even to mention the hassles this will cause for my transgender friends, or immigrants, or activists on whoever's watch list, or so many other people who for whatever reason will have trouble getting a passport. I had already resigned myself to the fact that we will not travel overseas until S is 18, but now I have to get used to the fact that we will also not travel to Quebec or Montreal. Not for field trips, not for anything.

Is it warm in here?