Monday, July 24, 2006

The Job

OK, so about the job. And being done with it.

I've been in grad school since January, spending (allegedly) 25 hours a week on that, plus 35 hours a week of work, plus being a single mom. Somehow that all worked fine until late spring, when my gears started popping out and no amount of coffee could make me go any more.

I had a bit of a crisis, trying to figure out the purpose of life and human existence on the world. Then I realized that I was just tired. (And how typical of my coping skills that, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I decide to take on something bigger, so that I can have no way to succeed.)

I decided that either the job needed to go, or school did (since clearly the parenting piece is immovable). That prompted another crisis, during which I decided I needed to move. When I settled down, I decided that it has to be the job, and that I'm staying in this apartment for the time being. Maybe.

It's taken me six months and a lot of planning, but I finally decided that it's time, so I gave my notice at work, my last day being September 1.

But how are you going to live? you ask, your brow wrinkled in concern.

Pshaw, I answer. I shrug at such concerns!** I may be getting a roommate. I'll be working part time, and I have a workstudy job. Plus sucking at the government teat so that that I can be a better mom and better person.

Now it's just a matter of waiting. I've never been unemployed; I've been working full time pretty much since I turned 18--minus seven weeks to give birth and take care of a newborn, and one semester at college when I was living off an insurance settlement (three broken toes & a near death experience = $4,000. really).

So I'm looking forward to having time to actually parent--I'll be meeting my daughter right off the bus from school! We'll have six whole hours a day together! Which is a huge improvement over the skimpy three we get now, half of which is taken up with supper.

And how secure is a job anyway? They could fire me at any time, or cut my position due to budgetary issues, or figure out how much time I spend blogging instead of filing.
Truly, this is one of the scariest things I've ever done, but I just want to push, and see how far I can go. Can I live without working full time? What will happen?

Guess we'll see.

**That's a joke. Actually, thinking about it makes me want to pee my pants so I just try not to think about it.

1 comment:

CFisher said...

I had a bit of a crisis, trying to figure out the purpose of life and human existence on the world. Then I realized that I was just tired.

You know, the mystics of old would fast from food, water, and sleep in the hopes of gaining spiritual insight. Just think, if you'd kept pushing and stayed awake a little longer, you might have been able to share with us the answer to that age-old question, "What is the purpose of life and human existence on the world?"

But no. You had to get your precious beauty rest. And here we are as lost as ever.


Seriously, I think that was a very brave thing to do, quitting your job to spend more time with your daughter. She'll thank you one day, or she should. And you're right, I think, in making your grad work a priority. That's your future. And as the great Ed Wood once said, "We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."


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