Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Bad Dialogue

FRIEND: But I don't understand. Why do you hate Mother's Day so much?

WOMAN: I cant.... [sob] I just can't. [turns away] You'd never understand.

FRIEND: I understand that I want to help you. Why can't you just trust me a little? Tell me. [puts hands on MOTHER's shoulders] You can tell me.

WOMAN: [shakes off FRIEND's hands] How could you know? You and your... your perfect spouse. You have everything. [turns to face FRIEND, closeup of her tear-stained face] And I-- I have nothing.

FRIEND: I don't understand.

WOMAN: Don't you see? Mother's day is not a day of joy for people like me. I'll say it--for single mothers like me. All year long we have to be mother and father, and then on the one day of the year that is for us, we... we... [sobs]

FRIEND: There, there.

WOMAN: I'm sorry, I got some snot on your shoulder.

FRIEND: That's gross.

WOMAN: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. [wipes at eyes] I guess what I'm trying to say is that the only way I'll ever get brunch on that day is if I make the reservations myself and put it on my own credit card. And you don't know the pain... the mind-wrenching pain... [shakes fist at sky] of trying to pick out a bouquet to surprise myself.

FRIEND: This snot looks like a snail trail.

WOMAN: I'd rather smoke cigarettes and drink bourbon while my kids watch disney channel all day. At least that way we'd both be happy instead of trying to live up to some overrated standard for a holiday that can only be celebrated by a nu--- nuclear family [sobs again].

FRIEND: So what are you saying?

WOMAN: I'm saying, where's the guy in that coffee commercial who gets up early to help the kids make me breakfast in bed? Where's my tasty fresh omelette?

FRIEND: I have no idea what you mean.

WOMAN: I wish the hallmark people would just die. And the coffee people too.

FRIEND: Whoah. That's a little harsh, don't you think?

WOMAN: I guess. I mean, we're all just victims of the capitalist heterosexist patriarchy anyway, right? [blows nose, wipes eyes, sighs] Got a light?


WOMAN: Thanks.

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