Saturday, May 28, 2011

"Me and darker days, we're old drinking buddies"

I just can't stop thinking about this post:
Hey you. You self-aware crackerjack person you. You know what is important to you and still sometimes you find yourself behaving as though you don’t care about it at all. If this happens to you, I can relate. I set my intention to honour my values and over and over again I steamroll right past those intentions with what looks like rebellion. Why do I keep doing that? I ask myself. 
Or, on darker days: 
There I go again. I’m a total hypocrite. I keep saying how important it is for me to be (gossip-free, eating healthy, balanced) but then I go ahead and (bitch about my co-workers, binge on cinnamon buns, take on more social commitments when I’m already burnt out). What’s wrong with me? I must secretly hate myself and be sabotaging my happiness…. 
Honey. I know those darker days. Me and darker days, we’re old drinking buddies.
and also
The way you phrase a question can make all the difference. Ask not, “why do I keep doing this to myself?” (bound to get you some self-loathing answers) and instead, ask:  
By dishonouring my value of ____________, what value am I choosing to honour instead? 
Another way of finding out is to take a look at the behaviour (in my case, drinking and eating to keep up with others) and ask what am I getting out of this?... 
...What value was I honouring when I joined in unwanted drinking and dessert eating? Connection. It’s huge. I want to be connected to others in conversation and shared experience. I want to be on the same wavelength. 
Sometimes you read the right thing at the right time and it's like fireworks in your head.  This happened to me when I read this.  Why do I choose unhealthy behaviors even though I know better?  Because I'm getting something out of them.  

For example, I smoke because I like the way it breaks up my day into manageable pieces.  I smoke because I like the way that people don't expect me to smoke, and it also creates instant community.  These are desires that I can satisfy in ways that are way less likely to kill me.  

It's so helpful to think about these behaviors in a positive way instead of beating myself up over them.

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