Warning, Please

There should be a warning or disclaimer or something on articles like this (via slog), so that anxiety-riddled people like myself can avoid them. Of course, once you read the headline you kind of have to go ahead and read the whole article. And then spend the next five minutes imagining what it feels like to get eaten by a black hole. And picturing the general worldwide panic that would happen first. And then thinking that maybe the most important thing that could happen at a time like that is to have your daughter close to you. And then wishing you had some xanax. And then settling for some bourbon instead.

Happy Sunday.

Uncle

Dear Universe,

Whatever lesson it was that you wanted me to learn--Be Grateful For What I Have, Don't Take Things For Granted--I learned it. OK? Enough already. Really.

And next time, could I have my lesson in the form of, say, Having A Lot of Money Doesn't Make You Truly Happy? Or maybe, Scads of Public Acclaim Is Actually Meaningless?

Thanks so much! Your friend,
Jen

Like a New Caddy

I know, posts have been a little thin lately. That's because, as you know, I suffered a Terrible Computer Tragedy some months ago. This weekend, however, I purchased a new computer. As soon as I recover from the sticker shock I should be back to regular posting.

This new computer is swell, but I'm still deeply involved with replacing all of my programs.

Two In One Day!

I've been baking bread on the weekends to make it seem like my lack of social life is a choice fill the gaping hole that winter leaves in my heart save money. Plus I really like home baked bread.

Here is this weekend's project (via cheap like me). Come over for coffee and bread on Sunday?

No Knead, Dutch Oven Bread
1/4 tsp active dry yeast
1 1/2 cups warm water
3 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting. You may use white, whole wheat or a combination of the two.
1 1/2 tsp salt
Cornmeal or wheat bran for dusting
1. In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in water. Add the flour and salt, stirring until blended. The dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let the dough rest at least 8 hours, preferably 12 to 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.
2. The dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it. Sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let it rest for about 15 minutes.
3. Using just enough flour to keep the dough from sticking to the work surface or to your fingers, gently shape it into a ball. Generously coat a clean dish towel with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal. Put the seam side of the dough down on the towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another towel and let rise for about 1 to 2 hours. When it’s ready, the dough will have doubled in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.
4. At least 20 minutes before the dough is ready, heat oven to 475 degrees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in the oven as it heats. When the dough is ready, carefully remove the pot from the oven and lift off the lid. Slide your hand under the towel and turn the dough over into the pot, seam side up. The dough will lose its shape a bit in the process, but that’s OK. Give the pan a firm shake or two to help distribute the dough evenly, but don’t worry if it’s not perfect; it will straighten out as it bakes.
5. Cover and bake for 30 minutes. Remove the lid and bake another 15 to 20 minutes, until the loaf is beautifully browned. Remove the bread from the Dutch oven and let it cool on a rack for at least 1 hour before slicing.
Yield: One 1 1/2-pound loaf.
Adapted from The New York Times.

Lighter

Hey, anyone watch The Sopranos? I finished the series recently and I think I need to process.

Unfortunately Busy

I have two Big Gay Jobs, and I was representing both of them at a recent GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) gathering, trying to get some of the students interested in my projects. There were a lot of cookies and soda, and I was struck by what apparently good, clean, productive fun these youth were having. Pretty different from the fun I was having as a queer high school student, a lot of which involved tattooing myself and being intoxicated and wearing black.

But at this gathering one student said something that jostled one of my own observations back to the surface: that there have been 5 murders of transpeople this year. In 2008. Since January 1.

After the gathering I went to some online queer news sources (queerty, 365 gay) and my friend google, and, sadly, that number is true.

Here they are:

January 8: Patrick (Patricia) Murphy, 39, N
January 21: Adolphus Simmons, 18, SC
Feb 9: Sanesha Stewart, 25, NY
Feb 12: Lawrence King, 15, CA
Feb 23: Simmie Williams, Jr., 17

It's so horrifying I'm not even sure what to say, except that maybe it's worth noting that all of these folks are male-born, and expressing on the feminine spectrum (underscoring how much more dangerous--and visible--it is for men to cross gender), and how many of them are not white. And which one has an article in Time magazine, and which ones don't.

For My Sister

I'm not usually so into the memes, but I do love little sis, so here goes...

TAG - YOU'RE IT!!

Here's how you play:

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 16 weird, random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

Don't forget to leave them a comment ("You're It") and to read your blog.

1. I haven't spoken to my mother in more than two years.

2. I am good friends with 85% of my ex girlfriends. I have contact with 0% of my ex boyfriends.

3. I am haunted by my hometown.

4. My debt equals more than twice my annual income.

5. I feel guilty every time I use a plastic bag.

6. I used to be terrified of spiders, but then I lived alone and there was no one else to kill them. So I got over it.

7. I don't know how to have down time.

8. I'm not really that into music unless it has lyrics that I like.

9. Nobody in my family has read the novel I wrote.

10. I was completely unprepared for and surprised by the love I feel for my baby niece.

11. I was 19 when my daughter was born.

12. I read about ten books a month.

13. I dream about living on my grandparents' land with my sister and her family.

14. I haven't smoked a cigarette in 15 days.

15. I've been in therapy for roughly ten years.

16. Last month I denied my daughter's request for a sled based on finances, and then later that day ended up buying her a whole stack of used books that cost almost exactly the same amount.

People who are tagged:
You! No pressure, but if you feel some disclosure coming on, please feel free...

Missing

I forget how much technology has become a part of my life until I don't have it. Hm... kind of like privilege in that way... you take it for granted unless you don't have it.

Case in point: my computer came down with a nasty virus despite my dedication to safe computing practices, and I had to send it away to get fixed. During the week and a half without it, I felt like every commercial with a website, every time someone said they'd email me, was an arrow directly into my chest. The world is a different place for people without regular access to computers. It's a good thing to keep in mind.

Which is just the short way of saying: computer, I've missed you. Don't go away again.